It has been some time since I have thought about or written a new post. I have quite a few drafts I need to work on.
Back on June 17th my mom was rushed to the hospital. Where she spent almost 2 days in an ER exam room. Blood work and a CAT scan that was already scheduled before the ER visit.
On June 20th, a biopsy of the lungs was scheduled for early morning. At which I had to wait days for the results.
On June 21st I went to visit my mom in her hospital room. When I arrived at her room, the bed was made and nothing showing that she had been there. Immediately the wheels in my head were turning and panic set in. I went directly to the nurses station and asked where my mom was and why I was not informed. I was told she was in ER ICU and that they should have called me.
I immediately went down to the ICU and found my mom, who seemed to look fine, except that she had trouble breathing. I spoke to the nurse that was there where they explained that her blood pressure went up and her heart rate went way down. I asked why I wasn’t informed about this and was told that the floor she left should have called.. at that point I seen RED. I was so angry that each department was putting the blame on the other. She returned to a room n the floor she had been on.
With my sister living in another country and a brother I had know way of contacting, I was the only one able to go back and forth to the hospital for visits and updates on her condition, with my 2 yr old and my hubby when he could and wasnt working. There was never a Doctor around and the nurses didn’t give you much information.
On June 22nd I received an early morning call (I guess my complaining set in) that my mom had another drop in blood pressure and heartbeat. I immediately went to the hospital to her room, where they were preparing to take her back to ICU in ER. Finally a Dr. but with little explanations and only facts.
She was sedated to stay calm and would not be able to talk. She may hear me, but would not talk. Once again down to ICU, where she was put on life support and decisions needed to be made.
I was told that they tried to put a needle in her chest to obtain a sample of the fluid that was causing the breathing problem. The infection was so bad that they could not get a sample for diagnosis. However the lung biopsy had come back and there was no signs of cancer.
If my mom pulled through and I was told it didn’t look good, she would need surgery and probably would survive that, but if she did it would be a long road to recovery and the dependency on other people. Something we as a family knew she would not want.
I began by calling my sister, my aunt and cousin to let them know what was happening. I explained to them all what the Doctor had said.
June 23rd the decision had been made to take my mom off of life support. My sister was able to get a hold of our brother and I had to wait until he arrived before the process of taking her of support could begin.
While waiting, a few family members came by for support and say good bye. I had spent time sitting by my moms side, holding her hand, talking to her, and hoping she could understand. I told her that she was going to be with my dad.
At one point she got was trying to pull out the tubes trying to say she couldn’t breath, with tears rolling down her face. They gave her more morphine and sedated her. I wiped the tears from her eyes and they closed.
Some time around 9 pm my brother showed up and they started the process. Around 2:30 am I left to try and get some sleep. At 4:30 my phone rang and I was told she was going fast and to hurry. I left for the hospital, but by the time I got there I was too late. June 24th, 2012 at 4:45 my mom passed away.
I may not have been there when she passed but I spent a week going back and forth to a hospital watching my mother die slowly, with no real answers from doctors or nurses.
Her family Doctor who treated her with pills and never really did a proper exam. Just went with what she was told, back pain, pills, anxiety pills. Maybe the back pain should have been looked at for chest issues, and the anxiety for lung and breathing issues.
I basically did this alone, yes I had my husband and daughter for support. I had a sister a call away, but I had to explain to a 2 yr old where gramma went, explain to her when she went to the door looking for gramma why she wasn’t coming back.
The visions from that week are planted in my brain, I can not shake them, and having no answers has left me an emotional wreck and way too much for one person to do alone.